responding to meanness

We live in a culture of mean. We love television shows and movies in which people attack one another over stupid things like tacky clothes or bad hair or being a Republican. We yell at waiters who mess up our orders. We laugh at the girl whose tummy spills over the waist of her jeans.

We scream obscenities at the jerk who cut us off on the freeway. And we happily hurl insults from behind screen names online.

Where does this meanness come from?

People who are mean have probably been hurt in some way. By a cheating girlfriend. By a bad review from the boss. They see themselves as victims and respond by building walls to shield themselves from more harm.

So how should we respond?

It's tempting to hurl back our own version of clever cruelty. I know someone pumped with clever verbal attacks against those who steal parking stalls, for instance. But is that the best solution?

I subscribe to the theory -- however naive it might be -- that we can improve the world by stopping cycles of mean and dishing out kindness.

I'm not saying we should be sunshine and smiles 24/7. That's just scary.

And I get that people have bigger troubles than flat tires and coffee spilled on a new white shirt.

But to me, good will is like recycling: A little bit can make a difference.

So even if you've been wronged, save a stranger's day by passing on kindness instead of anger.