An Ideal Husband

[The Young View by Katie Young, Midweek, 7/30/08]

... My father recently forwarded me a column by Maureen Dowd titled, “An Ideal Husband.” In this column, Dowd sites Father Pat Connor, a 79-year-old Catholic priest, who has been giving a lecture to high school seniors (mostly girls) for 40 years on “Whom Not to Marry.”

Connor says there are several things to look out for:

* Never marry a man who has no friends because this usually means he will be incapable of the intimacy that marriage demands.

* Does this man use money responsibly or is he stingy? Connor says most marriages that founder do so because of money.

* Look for a man with a backbone. Steer clear of someone whose life you can run. Connor says it’s good to have a doormat, but not if it’s your husband.

* Stay away from the mama’s boy. If he consults his mother on the honeymoon destination instead of consulting you, it’s a bad sign.

* Find a man with a funny bone. Connor says a man with a sense of humor covers a multitude of sins.

* Don’t marry someone you need to fix. Connor says don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him. People are the same after marriage as before, only more so.

* Communication is key. More marriages are killed by silence than by violence, says Connor. The strong, silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.

* Look at his family. You’ll learn a lot about him and his attitude toward women by doing this. Connor says to think about if there is a history of divorce in the family, an atmosphere of racism, sexism or prejudice in his home? Are his goals and beliefs worthy and similar to yours?

* Are your religious beliefs similar?

* Connor asks, does he possess those character traits that add up to good human being - the willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous? Or is he inclined to be a fibber, to fits of rage, to be a control freak, to be envious of you, to be secretive?

While this might not be the be-all end-all to finding the perfect husband, it’s a good start.

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